As we dive into the final quarter of the calendar year, one can’t help but start to reflect on how things have gone so far. Sadly, I think we can all agree: 2022 has been pretty tough.
Skyrocketing gas prices, formula shortages, war in Europe and the return of low-rise jeans. I mean, could it get worse?
I’m not usually the superstitious type or believe in prophecies, but things are getting pretty dire in the world. So I can see how some people might start looking for signs of our future. I myself am rather a fan of Magic 8 Ball. Still, for fun, I thought I’d go back to some of my biblical and astrological knowledge for a glimpse of what lies ahead.
I don’t agree with everything he writes but you have to respect a real Nostradamus moment when you see him: pic.twitter.com/OJLmNCwn4f
– The Opinion Lab (@OpinionatedLab) October 2, 2022
I never liked horses
Unlike most little girls, I have never had a passion for horses. I find them smelly and accept flies way too much.
That’s not to say I don’t know the most famous horses, and I’m not talking about Black Beauty or Seabiscuit. Instead, I’m talking about the originals: the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
These foul hairy beasts are an important part of Revelation and could point to where we are today. As a reminder, these four naughty little ponies are:
- the White Horse, which is the Pestilence
- the red horse, which is war
- the black horse, which is famine
- the pale horse, which is death
So, are these equestrian omens roaming the Earth as we speak, or should I say, while you’re reading this? Let’s see.
Oh no pic.twitter.com/JSJ4uq5YYg
— Pickle Pericles (@ElectionLegal) September 29, 2022
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I looked, and here it is!
I would not describe myself as a religious woman, although I would say I am a woman of faith. I believe in a higher power, and I think I’ve been made fallible and destined to try to be better than I was the day before.
All that to say that I’m no theologian, so keep that in mind when I explain how the Four Horsemen of Revelations might roll around our neighborhoods. First, let’s take a look at Pestilence.
The plague is a bit tricky; the white horse is often associated with some sort of plague or disease. However, I will use a bit of creative license based on Revelation 6:1-2:
“I looked, and behold, a white horse, and he that sat on it had a bow; and a crown was given to him, and he went forth conquering and to conquer.
My husband argues that our Pestilence is COVID, but I disagree. I think our white horse is not a literal disease. However, a virus still infects every aspect of our civilization: awakening.
Related: Nurse fired for refusing implicit bias training as new equity push seeps into US institutions
“Humanity will discover objects in space that will be sent to us by observers.” ~ Nostradamus
– occult robot (@0ccultbot) October 4, 2022
Put up with me and chew this for a spell. Woke democratic socialists try to conquer all aspects of society until all have been conquered. Boom. Mind blown.
What about the other three horsemen?
Do not worry; I have not forgotten the red, black and pale horses. The good old warhorse can be anything at this point, thanks to the devil who cares about the Biden administration’s foreign policy.
Make your choice; war in Eastern Europe with Russia, vacillating with China, or maybe this is the advent of a second civil war as so many talking heads have thought or, dare I say, tried to stir up. Then you have starvation.
There was a shortage of formula that threatened to starve our babies. There are also grain and food shortages because of the war in Ukraine and the terrible supply chain. But we may not be in the midst of a global famine…yet.
Related: A possible rail strike could spell big trouble for the economy, Democrats and ordinary Americans
And then, finally, you have death. Our life expectancy in the United States is in decline for the first time in a long time. Could it be because we have adult adults who flock to McDonald’s for the adult Happy Meal? Or is it because it’s the end of time!
Honestly, I think either is a solid answer. The release of Happy Meals for Adults could mean the end of time. I’m just saying.
“All things must eventually come to an end. The time will come, of course, when the great United States will be no more, when the vaunted civilization of the greatest nation on earth will no longer count for anything.
—a Cherokee newspaper editor in 1896 when the United States was robbing his nation
— Brett Chapman (@brettachapman) October 5, 2022
Was this predicted by anyone else?
Suppose you are not interested in my amateurish theological prediction. In this case, we could always see what the expert has to say – the one, the only, Nostradamus. Fun fact, Nostradamus also wrote a cookbook which, for some odd reason, didn’t receive the same level of notoriety as his other works.
In the cookbook were various recipes for jellies and jams to include a “love jam” made with sparrow’s blood and carnations from an octopus arm. However, I’m not sure my palette would approve.
But we’re not here to swap recipes with the famous clairvoyant. His well-known work is ‘The Prophecies’ published in 1555.
The book is a compendium of his convoluted poetry called quatrains. In these difficult-to-decipher verses are allegedly various predictionsincluding the rise of Hitler, the assassination of JFK and the 9/11 attacks.
But it’s a recent event that has made the neatly bearded tipster all the rage.
They prefer global nuclear annihilation to peace. https://t.co/10WV74LvKv
— Paul Joseph Watson (@PrisonPlanet) October 4, 2022
Apparently, Nostradamus predicted the death of the queen, which has people flocking to bookstores to absorb the words of the great predictor. He also predicted an asteroid strike, inflation and famine, and AI robots taking over the world in 2022.
So far it has nailed inflation. I’m still waiting for SkyNet to come online. Perhaps Nostradamus’ weirdest prediction was that zombies would eventually be created.
He wrote of this event:
“Fathers and mothers dead of infinite pain, Women in mourning, the pestilential monster: The Great will be no more, the whole world will end.”
Yikes, that’s some pretty terrifying dark stuff out there, my apocalyptic friend. I’m reasonably sure I’ve been called a pestilential monster before; if not, i aim to be one day.
So far no zombies, at least none in the traditional sense. Instead, I guess we’ve all become techno-zombies addicted to our tiny screens on our oversized phones.
Being against World War III and nuclear annihilation does not make you pro-Russia!
— Dave DeCamp (@DecampDave) September 30, 2022
It’s time to prepare and find Jesus
Are the four horsemen of the apocalypse making their way through our civilization? Did Nostradamus see into our future? Should I invest in blunt melee weapons to effectively defend against the onslaught of zombies?
the living dead, you will always be iconic. pic.twitter.com/Vt0Z7jtSGH
— Ethan (@EthanCorby) October 3, 2022
I do not know. I can tell you that I would be caught in a zombie apocalypse mainly because I would have a strict rule; no new pack members. You never accept new people; best to stay slim and mobile.
Kidding aside, it looks dark there, but it’s not that bad. Most people are good and kind, and every day there are billions of small acts of love expressed between humans; it’s just not reported as much.
But, just in case, we should probably be wary of robots. I’ve seen Terminator, and I’m NOT Sarah Connor.
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